The people we surround ourselves with shape our lives more profoundly than most of us realize. In a recent podcast discussion, we explored the concept of "The Circle of 10" - the idea that the ten people closest to us ultimately determine the trajectory and ceiling of our lives. This principle isn't just motivational talk; it's a practical framework for intentional living that can radically transform our personal and professional growth.
Many of us grew up with the mindset that vulnerability and sharing our struggles was a sign of weakness. The prevailing wisdom, especially for men of certain generations, was to keep your problems private and handle them internally. "We discuss it in the family and you don't go outside of this family," as one podcast host described his father's philosophy. This approach, while well-intentioned, creates isolation and stunts growth. Creating a personal "board of directors" - trusted advisors who have permission to speak into your life - represents a significant paradigm shift for many.
Building this board of directors or "circle of ten" requires intentionality and effort. It's easier to drift into relationships of convenience than to cultivate meaningful connections with people who will challenge us. As one host noted, "If we're not being intentional, we have to really check are we actually being pulled back because we're just allowing the wrong influences in our life to stall us." This isn't something to approach passively or in neutral. We must actively seek relationships with people who inspire us, challenge us, and provide a template for kingdom effectiveness.
The most effective personal board members don't just offer accountability - they demonstrate love through honest feedback. However, there's an art to delivering hard truths with kindness and grace. One host admitted his tendency toward bluntness, acknowledging that his delivery sometimes overshadowed his message. The most effective feedback comes when people know you truly care about them. A powerful example shared was about approaching someone with concern for their wellbeing rather than criticism of their behavior: "I'm concerned about your grandkids, I'm concerned about your marriage, I'm concerned about your health." This approach opened doors that direct confrontation had closed.
Perhaps the most overlooked aspect of building this circle is consistency in communication. Too often, we only reach out to our mentors and trusted advisors when we need something. "Call those people and check on them when you don't need anything," was identified as perhaps the single most important tip for building these relationships. This demonstrates genuine care and ensures that when you do need help, the relationship has been properly maintained. Your board of directors deserves regular communication and appreciation, not just crisis calls.
When selecting who belongs in your circle of ten, the criteria should extend beyond superficial factors. It's not about their net worth or status, but rather their character, values, and the quality of their own relationships. "You have to be careful on the classes of people," one host noted, explaining that what matters isn't sorting people by their financial success but by their "kingdom faithfulness." Additionally, we should be around people who are encouraging, positive, and model what they teach. Those who constantly gossip or maintain a negative outlook will inevitably influence your perspective as well.
Ultimately, the challenge is to take a hard look at your inner circle and ask: "Who has permission to challenge my decisions? Who can speak truth into my life when I'm drifting?" Your climb is determined by your crew, and no one achieves greatness alone. By intentionally building a personal board of directors comprised of people who will call you to your highest potential, you dramatically increase your chances of living a life of purpose, impact, and fulfillment. The question isn't whether you need such a circle—the question is whether you're willing to do the work to build and maintain it.